Marco Rubio, the knowledgeable football man


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Florida Senator Marco Rubio, a guy who once casually beaned a kid in the face with a football, has recently been peddling a string of unfounded conspiracy theories regarding the recent Florida recounts. Now it seems these crackpot theories have now morphed into incredibly horrible football metaphors.

Last night, Rubio introduced the world to the “3 point kick” while venting to Twitter that Democrats are somehow trying to change the ballot rules in order to win elections in Florida, which they’re aren’t.

“Imagine if NFL team was trailing 24-22 but in final seconds hits a 3 pt kick to win. Then AFTER game lawyers for losing team get a judge to order rules changed so that last second field goals are only 1 point. Well that’s how democrat lawyers plan to steal #Florida election,” said Rubio in just one of four profoundly stupid tweets.   

Naturally, Rubio has been thoroughly roasted by football Twitter. 

Of course, Rubio has since defended this tweet by arguing not everyone who’s into politics knows about field goals.

“I am being roasted for ‘3 pt kick’ tweet about election? Why? You think everyone who follows politics knows what a field goal is? Besides, it’s absurd to claim I don’t know what a field goal is… that’s all my Dolphins have scored for 9 straight quarters,” said Rubio, a man who also enjoys other exciting football maneuvers like the 6 point endzone entering play, and the old boot the ball as far as possible to begin the game kicking motion.

Coincidentally, back in July, Rubio complained to TMZ that sports and politics shouldn’t be intertwined, and that he wishes he could just spend Sunday afternoons watching the NFL and not be reminded of the horrifying hellscape he helped create.

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